Have a banana, have a whole bunch

The 80s were not a very good era, stylewise, for many of us. Recent evidence has demonstrated that I was not the only one in my family to succumb to poor choices in hairstyle and other accessories.

Exhibit A: My Aunt Chris, circa 1986, and her stylistic muse, Weird Al Yankovic.

Table Manners

Alternative title: Everything I learned about Etiquette I learned From Watching Pretty Woman



Last night, I went to a dinner party that consisted of four Colombians, one Frenchman, and me. We started talking about dining etiquette and breaches thereof. I recalled that my major faux pas came at Kevin and Karen's wedding in England- I was seated towards the middle of a long, rectangular table that held about 30 people on each side. At each place setting, there was a roll on a bread plate. I took the one to my right and munched away. Turns out you are supposed to take the one on my left, so when everyone else started eating their bread, the girl sitting next to me ended up sans roll. Then, she snidely informed me that the only reason she didn't have bread was that I took the wrong one. "Don't you know you're supposed to take the one on your left? Sigh...." Bitch. Even I know that it's ruder to point out someone else's mistake that to make one in the first place. Anyways, enough boring stories about bread rolls, we discovered that Colombia's rules of fine dining are similar to the United States, France's differ significantly, and people from all nations learned the "work from the outside in" trick of knowing which utensil to use from Pretty Woman. Too bad that scene didn't feature a bread plate.



Speaking of dining, have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I used the same image last year, but nothing says Pilgrims and pumpkin pie like a hand turkey.

And one last Thanksgiving treat: Adam Sandler's Thanksgiving Song.

New music

I heard a beautiful, haunting song on the radio by a group called Band of Horses, who I had never heard of, so I went to their website to check them out. Lo and behold, you can download that tune, called The Funeral, plus three more tracks for free here. Now I'm going to listen to it on repeat all day, or at least until my coworkers get annoyed.

Tis the season....for dangerous toys!

Come late November, some people look forward to candy canes and Christmas carols. I, on the other hand, eagerly await the annual announcement of the holiday's Most Dangerous Toys. Yes, I am morbid, but the apocalyptic nature of these news reports makes me laugh and laugh. Oh yes, it's America's culture of fear at it's most ludicrous....the gays, they want to marry! Run for your lives..... illegal immigrants are flooding the country! Watch out for killer bees! And killer viruses! Wait, this just in......Lil Snoopy has a POTENTIAL FOR STRANGULATION AND ENTANGLEMENT INJURIES! The Pyramid Stacker... a toy for babies with a POTENTIAL FOR BLUNT IMPACT AND PUNCTURE INJURIES!

Okay, perhaps some of these toys may pose actual risks- remember lawn darts? -but they will never fail to make me laugh. I also enjoy how even the most innocuous-seeming object, like a decorative blossom for cribs and strollers, can turn into a sinister potential killer. Without further ado, here are the 10 Worst Toys of 2006. Because it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, courtesy of Z Launcher: Turbo Water Balloon Launcher.

The horror, the horror

Sunday morning, I decided to give my apartment a thorough and much-needed cleaning. My roommate Ern suggested that we dump out the keg bucket, which had been sitting outside on the porch since our Halloween party. It had filled up with rain water and turned a murky, grey color. Because it was so heavy, we each grabbed a handle and began to lift it. At the first jostle, the dirty water sloshed a bit, and suddenly, floating up from the darkness of the water, rose a dead squirrel.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I was completely unprepared for this bloated, furry surprise, and promptly screamed like a B movie actress in her first horror film. The squirrel was big, dead, bloated, and disgusting, and, maybe I've had an uneventful life thus far, but I felt true terror for the first time. Once Ern caught a glimpse of what I was screaming about, we dropped the bucket, ran back inside, and locked the door. After our heart rates returned to normal, we came up with a plan for disposing the body. We waited until nighttime, and under cover of darkness, we put on our Haz Mat outfits (pictured) and got rid of the squirrel. Undetected, we crept through the night carrying the bucket topped with a trash bag (to prevent splashing) until we found a suitable resting place for the ill-fated arboreal rodent. Hey, I'm sure it wasn't the first time someone got rid of a body in Southie.

Weekend Report

Friday- Started the weekend off early by meeting up with Tom and Jenny (ugh, I'm such a blog-dropper!) for lunch at Clery's. Returned to work to attend an scientific ethics training course....good thing that drinking beers at lunch was not deemed "unethical"...as for abusing human subjects in clinical trials and fabricating data, well, let's just say that they are frowned upon by the scientific community. After word, we headed out to celebrate Caro's success- she passed the qualifying exam (big, scary obstacle that hits halfway through grad school....much worse than the thesis defense). We went back to Clery's, where I was recognized by the waitress "Weren't you here at lunch?" and ate some food before the loud, terrible music prevented conversation enough so that we high-tailed it out of there and went to Flash's for more more drinks. Love that place! I had the brilliant idea to suggest a game of "I never"....hey, what's a little confession of sexual history among co-workers? We then switched games and played Marry, Fuck, or Kill, in which three people are named and you have to select which one you would marry, which one you would bang, and which one you would kill. It got pretty funny, with choices like "Big Bird, Cookie Monster, and the Count" and "Kim Jong Il, Pablo Escobar, and Saddam Hussein."

Saturday- Worked all day......booo...then played soccer. My team won on a last-second goal, so we went out for pizza and beer to celebrate.

Sunday- THE MOST HORRIFYING, DISGUSTING THING EVER happened, thus overshadowing the entire weekend. Yes, it will get its own post.

Testing...1...2...3

So, I went for it and updated to the new Blogger Beta. So far, so good. I decided to make the font smaller, because apparently I am the only person who prefers the more grandiose. I also changed the vomit green default color to a softer blue in a couple of places. Baby steps, people, baby steps. Oooh, and acting on a tip from Jenny, I installed Google Analytics, so now I can find out how many people are reading this thing (six? seven?).

Let me know if you have any suggestions as far as format goes. I'm not much for aesthetics or HTML, so any feedback will be appreciated.

TGIF

Here are some random thoughts for a Friday:

I think Daniel Craig is going to be a kick-ass Bond. He's British, he's hot, and he's cool. I don't know why so many people were complaining about the casting. Here's a review of Casino Royale

Boston is having some very strange weather these days, but I won't complain about the wind, the rain, and the humidity, as long as it delays the onset of a bitterly cold winter.

Finally, a good ESPN.com article about the real best player in the NFL. Hey, sports media, if you remove your heads from Peyton Manning's ass, you might notice that a lot of position players are way more exciting and fun to watch. Here's another player I adore. Did anyone else see him give teamate T.J. Houshmandzadeh a kiss on the cheek last Sunday? Priceless.

In college football..... the lesser of two evils? Michigan. I never thought I'd say this, but Go Wolverines!

Lastly, happy Dan Goldin Day!

Hint: Not China

Use this Google Map application to find up where you'd end up if you dug a hole to the other side of the Earth.

via Freakgirl

This shirt totally rocks

An Australian company has invented a t-shirt that turns air guitar into music:

The T-shirt has motion sensors built into the elbows that pick up arm movements and relay them wirelessly to a computer which interprets them as guitar riffs, said Richard Helmer, an engineer who leads the research team from the government’s Australian Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation.

Here's a video of the inventor explaining and demonstrating the shirt.

So geeky, yet I kind of love it.

False advertising

The Break-Up, promoted as a modern romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, is not funny at all. It is the opposite of funny. It's not that it's a bad movie, but it's uncomfortably realistic and depressing.

I do love me some Vincent D'Onofrio, though.
And doesn't this guy (the art buyer) look like Tom Brady?

Unrelated, but I almost started a riot at lunch when I proclaimed my hatred for Gilmore Girls. Seriously, that show is SO BAD. Not bad-good, like the OC or other campy dramas, just plain old stinkin bad. Worst acting on television.

Foosball and fear of technology

Last night, soccer players, scientists, and photograhpers gathered to big goodbye to our friend Jorg, who is moving to South Carolina. We went to dinner at the Sunset Grill and Tap (Yummers! Plus, an excellent beer selection. Double yummers!) and then headed next door to Big City for more beers. I tested and proved correct the following mathematical equations: Belgian beers x 10% alcohol = drunk people. Drunk people + foosball = entertainment, with an occasional broken lighting fixture.















On the technology front, on the Blogger Dashboard, there's a new version of Blogger available for download. Have any of you Blogger (TM) bloggers tried it? I'm always hesitant to update software. I mean, what if I like the old version better, and then I get stuck with a crappy new verison?

List #31...Words That Confused Me as a Child

In (belated) honor of Veterans' Day, here are some words that I had severely mixed up when I was younger.

1. veterans and veterinarians: I spent the majority of elementary school believing Nov. 11 was some strange holiday to celebrate pet doctors.

2. tornados and tomatoes: I understood that these were two entirely different things, but for some reason, I assumed that tornados were red like tomatoes, and never believed that news images of tornadoes were real because the tornadoes were not red.

3. Jack Nicholson and Jack Nicklaus. Definitely thought that they were one person- and actor who was also quite good at golf. Although later dispelled, this notion was supported by Jack Nicholson's arrest for smashing a guy's windsheild with a gold club. Obviously, a golf club would be the weapon of choice for an irate actor/golfer.

4. avocados and iguana eggs. For unknown reasons, I believed that avocados were iguana eggs and refused to eat them for years. Laugh all you want, but seriously, don't they look a tad reptilian?

5. grilled cheese sandwich and girl cheese sandwich. Blame this one on my older sister, who capitalized on my initial confusing by frequently threatening to kill me and put me in a girl cheese sandwich. She also told me I was adopted. Thanks, Kerry!

6. subtle and suttle. I know now that suttle is not an actual word, but I thought that the "b" was pronounced in subtle, and suttle was a different word that meant the exact same thing. I discovered that this was false when I read an essay out loud to my English class in 12th grade and used the word subtle, you know, the one with the "b."

Concert Review: Bob Dylan

Last night, I caugh Bob Dylan at the Agganis Arena. Let me preface this post my proclaiming my complete and utter devotion to the great Bob Dylan. I bought a cassette of Blood on the Tracks in eighth grade, and it opened my eyes to a whole world of music beyond hair bands and MC Hammer. I've been a huge fan ever since. I was planning to pick up a ticket to the concert and go by myself, because none of my friends in Boston are big Dylan fans, and I would have become really annoyed at any potential complaining. I get irrationally angry when people make fun of things I like- it still makes me mad when I think about the time a good friend of mine made fun of my favorite book. Yes, Dylan's voice has been shot for the last twenty years and it's no secret, but the man is still a poet, a genius, and a legend (wow, I'm starting to sound like a creepy stalker). Unexpectedly, I ended up going with friends of a friends who were also members of the cult.
The Raconteurs, Jack White's current band opened, and I wasn't impressed (although I do like their throwback website). I love the White Stripes, and I think the duo with Meg White is a much better vehicle for showing off Jack's many muscial talents. When backed up by a full band, he sounds like any other singer in any other modern rock band. They also didn't seem to be the best choice of opener for the crowd, the majority of whom were in their fifties and sixties.
Now, onto Dylan....he started off with Absolutely Sweet Marie and followed with a mixture of old and new. (set list) I enjoyed Positively 4th Street and Masters of War (by far, sharpest anti-war song ever written), and was happy to hear Tangled Up in Blue, my favorite Dylan tune. However, his newer songs have a bluesier sound that complements his current vocal ability much better than the old songs, the majority of which he warbled through in a toneless manner. I thought that two tracks from Time Out of Mind sounded the best. The encore rendition of Like a Rolling Stone was the crowd favorite of the night. Overall, I was impressed once again, but still slightly jealous of those who had the opportunity to see Dylan in his prime.

The Globe gave Saturday night's show a positive review.

I'd like to make one comment to all concert goers: Holding up a cell phone instead of a lighter is NOT COOL.

Weekend Report

Friday- Played soccer, and my team won in a dramatic shootout, in which I was the only player on either team to make the shot. I must confess that the only reason that we ended up in the shootout was that I flubbed up on defense with three minutes left in the game, allowing the other team to score the tying goal. At least I redeemed myself. After the game, I caught my friend Mulvey's band Muy Cansado play at the second diviest bar in Framingham. (In case you're wondering....The Diviest Bar In Framingham). My friend Jose came with me to the wilds of downtown Framingham, and we had a good time at the show, with the exception of the Grossest Jello Shot Ever Created. Here's some advice: Never order a jello shot at a bar. Especially if it comes in a prepackaged container with a tinfoil lid. It was gritty and disgusting. Blech.


Grossest Jello Shots Ever Created




After the show, we noticed a Corvette in the parking lot and placed a dirty, Borat-inspired note on the windsheild, because, apparently, we're fourteen and find that shit funny.

Saturday- Ran errands all day, played soccer, then went to Rob's surprise party at Ned Devine's. I had a good time- I showed up late, so all of my friends were already pretty hammered, which is always entertaining. I even met a cute guy- nice, funny, and tall, and owns a hot air balloon company, so I didn't even have to bust out my fake-interested face and pretend to know what a hedge fund is. Instead, we talked about the hot air balloon industry and bacteria. For the record, his company does offer the Mile High package. Ew! Too bad he lives in another state and I'll never see him again.

Sunday- Went to Thanksgiving at Lori and Rob's house, and proceeded to stuff my face for four hours. Have I mentioned that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday? Well, it is. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, mmmmmmmmm... The only bad part was that I ate so much during dinner that I couldn't even handle the dessert. After that, I saw Bob Dylan at the Agganis Arena, but that will get a separate post.

Embarrassing moment of the week

So, do you ever do weird things for no reason? And then get embarrassed when someone catches you? No?
Anyways, yesterday I was using a centrifuge in a storage room filled with freezers and equipment. The storage room is at the end of a sparsely populated hallway, so I had no one to talk to while I was waiting for my sample. Bored, I noticed a small space between two large freezers and wondered if I could fit in the space. I squirmed in, and it felt sort of snug and cozy being squished in between the two freezers, so I was standing there zoning out. Just as I started process the thought "I better get out of here before someone walks by and sees me," someone walked in the room. He didn't see me, and started filling up a tank right in front of my hiding place. I figured that he would eventually look up and notice me, so I went for the preemptive strike and said hi. Of course, it scared the crap out of him, and he wondered what I was doing in there. I started laughing because, despite my explanation, which was something along the lines of "I was waiting for my samples to spin in the centrifuge and I wanted to see if I could fit in this gap between the freezers," it was inherently obvious that there was no real explanation, other than the fact that I am a WEIRDO who apparently exhibits some rodent-like affinity for small, dark spaces.

Attention The Office fans

Watch Michael and Dwight bring sexy back. Hee!

via Freakgirl

Portrait of a scientist

Here's a picture my co-workers drew of me:

I am wearing a LAME crown becuase I told a lame story at lunch. However, there is no real explanation as to why I am walking a poodle and have a turkey for a hand.

Damn, it feels good to be a Democrat

It's official, the Dems now control the House and Senate. Check out Kevin's site for much more researched and eloquent posting about the latest round of elections.

Now, if only the Democrats can come up with a legitimate contender for the Presidency in 2008....

Movie Review: Borat

The movie Borat features the British comedian Sasha Baron Cohen, most well known for his Ali G character, as Borat, a reporter from Kazakhstan who travels to the United States to research the American way and report back to his country. At his hotel in New York, he catches Baywatch on TV and decides to travel to California in pursuit of Pamela Anderson. Borat and his producer road trip in an old ice cream truck, encountering various aspects of America along the way, including a rodeo, a yard sale, an evangelical Christian meeting. Borat is as offensive as one can possibly imagine- he hates and fears Jewish people and thinks women should be slaves- and this movie is anything but tame. I'm surprised that it didn't get slapped with an NC-17 rating, especially with the grotesque extended male nudity scene, which was both the most disgusting and most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Everyone in the theater was screaming in horror, laughing, covering their eyes, or doing a combination of all three. I also wasn't sure if the people he encounters are actors or actual Americans voicing their own offensive opinions. Some, like the car salesman, were funny as hell and seemed genuine. Borat declares that he would like to buy a car to attract the type of women who shave "down there," and the salesman, without skipping a beat, responds "you're looking for a Corvette." Others, like the USC frat boys in the RV, I hope are actors, because otherwise, they are just too pathetic for words. Even though the movie is essentially a one trick pony (comedian pretending to be a foreigner goes around simultaneously offending Americans and exposing their own prejudices), it will make you laugh out loud as well as ponder how large, diverse, and strange our nation truly is. I also recommend seeing it in a theater, because the reactions of the audience definitely enhance the experience.