a.k.a Get These Motherfucking Mice Out Of My Motherfucking House!
This being my winter of discontent, it seems only natural that this should also be the winter during which vermin elect to invade my apartment. Gray house mice. When I was a kid, I had a pet mouse named Mindy who eventually developed a tumor and died. I cried for days. However, I am no longer a child and these are not pets, and I long for their death or at least their permanent disappearance. The first unwanted visitors made their presence known during that big snow storm we had back in December. I was sitting in my usual position (on the couch, glass of wine in hand, watching a DVD) and a mouse sauntered across the living room floor. These little fuckers are brazen- at least have the decency to hide when people are home! We did a thorough cleaning and put out all sorts of traps- glue traps, snap traps, etc. The snap traps worked best- we caught three. Yes I know that means that there are probably 300 lurking behind the walls but I'm trying not to think about that. I hadn't seen any mice or evidence or murine activity for a few weeks, so I was hoping that perhaps they had moved elsewhere. Until last night, when I walked in and saw one on the kitchen table. Disgusting!!! It escaped through a hole in floor that leads directly to outside. This means war. Ern and I put on our hazmat outfits (used only once before, in a somewhat related incident) and recruited Pat. We drank some wine (for strength and courage, obvs) and destroyed a mouse hideout that I had recently discovered (some old boxes above a cabinet). My new plan of attack is as follows:
2. patch holes in floor.
3. Pester the landlord into taking care of the problem (Ern will be in charge of this- she's a lawyer and quite skilled at forceful pestering).
4. Borrow a coworkers cat for a few days.
5. Last resort- obtain a crate of boa constructors.
You won't get the best of me, mice! I fucking hate those nasty little fucks.
P.S. Sorry for all the swearing, although it was cathartic.
P.P.S. I hope you all don't think I'm a dirty person. I'm not. Honest.