Thursday, December 29, 2005
Happy New Year, from all of us here at Divine Comedy of Errors (a.k.a me).
Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is known for his elaborate touchdown celebrations, including a santa act last week when he pulled autographed jerseys and footballs out of a big stocking and threw them into the crowd during a Christmas Eve loss to the Bills. This blog entry has compiled video clips of other Chad Johnson TD celebrations. My two favorites are the marriage proposal and riverdance. Some people may find his antics obnoxious and over the top, but I think they are lighthearted and fun. It is just a game, after all.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Looking up, realizing that a new group of firemen had just walked in and totally heard me: "Uh, I gotta go. Bye."
Monday, December 26, 2005
What the hell is this thing? It's a Buddha Hand, also called a Fingered Citron. Buddah and I discovered it in my local grocery store and just had to buy it, because of the name and as well as its potential uses as a comedic prop. We attracted a lot of attention in the checkout line, because nobody had ever seen it before and no one had ever bought one- apparently a few of then had arrived in the latest shipment of produce and they stuck them in the fruit section. Eri and India correctly identified the name after a quick game of charades involving Buddah and his hand. It smells like a lemon and tastes like "nothing", according to our neighbor Peadar who ate the tip off one of the tentacles. Unfortunately, the Buddha Hand got moldy before I could think of anything good to do with it.
Saturday consisted of frantic present wrapping (where are those elves when you need them?), and a family gathering at my parents' house. We ate lobsters, went to mass, then continued the tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve. Sunday was more presents, family, food, and fun. My Irish neighbor Peadar and two friends came to Christmas dinner and were a big hit with the family, especially the kids' table. I somehow managed to escape most of the cooking and cleaning duties, which I'm sure I will reminded of over the next year when I am assigned far less pleasant duties. We ate a ton, tested out Eri's new karaoke machine, and then ventured to a local bar to experience the wild Framingham nightlife.
Hope you all had a holiday as enjoyable as mine.
Now, back to work, you slackers!
Friday, December 23, 2005
I stole this one off MJ's blog to post it in honor of her birthday tomorrow. Although she is so young here that the outfit can be considered cute and not awkward, that is one fine helmet. And Mini MJ, the color wheel called and it wants red back. Oh, snap.
Happy birthday, Maria!
This one's my favorite:
Remember the SNL skit from the 90's labeled "Steroid Olympics" and that guy tries to dead lift 900lbs and as he jerks up, both arms rip clean off his shoulders and are still attached to the barbell on the floor and blood is spurting out everywhere from his shoulder sockets ... I hope Damon's arm comes flying off while he is trying to make a throw home and his hand and arm are
still attached to the ball as it weekly lands in front of A-Rods foot and then A-Rod vomits and passes out and Joe Torre has to come out and give mouth to mouth to A-Rods bloated purple lips ... That would ease the pain of this trade-- Mark Faselle, Dallas, TX
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Looks like the New York transit workers might be returning to work. Hey New Yorkers, how was the strike?
My hometown is in the national news once again. A woman and her baby son were kidnapped at knifepoint from the parking lot of a Wal-Mart right near my parents' house. Luckily, a quick thinking liquor store clerk called 911 after the woman mouthed "Help me" and the name of the motel where the man was holding them prisoner, so they're alive.
The Senate agreed to extend the Patriot Act for six months, which doesn't sound like good news to me, but seems preferable to the alternative sought by the Bush administration, a permanent adoption of the act into law. Regardless, Santa won't be the only one watching us while we're sleeping.
Anyways, on my second trip to the bathroom today, I noticed that my underwear was on inside-out. That's a new one for me.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
- Plastic their windows in the winter
- Have margaritas and pigs-in-a-blanket for dinner (last night's tasty fare)
- Ride the bus
- Wear jeans and sneakers to work
- Have to get up to change the channel
- Drink wine from a box
- Toilet paper the trees in their own backyard
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
- The Best of James Taylor. It is impossible to listen to James Taylor and not feel happy, unless you have a heart of tin.
- White Blood Cells, by the White Stripes. I'm on a big Hotel Yorba kick.
- How it Ends and Una Volta by Devotchka. Maria and I saw them open for The Dresden Dolls' Halloween show, and MJ bought the CDs and burned me copies, because she is nice and I am a cheapskate. They have a few free downloadable songs on their website.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Time Magazine has named Bono, and Bill and Melinda Gates as the Persons of the Year. Although this will add fuel to the fire of the Bono haters among us, I think it's an excellent choice, especially in regard to the Gates. The Grand Challenges in Public Health, funded by the Gates Foundation, is a remarkable program that funds research in infectious disease, vaccine development, and similar areas with the goal of improving the vast problems in public health that predominate the third world. As someone who may someday end up working on one of these projects, I think the Gates' program is admirable and relevant. Hey, if you've got a bazillion dollars, you might as well do something useful with it. Working to prevent and cure AIDS, malaria, and tuberculosis, three of the leading causes of mortality worldwide, seems like a pretty good place to start.
In other news, the '72 Dolphins popped champagne once again. Congratulations to my favorite non-Patriot and teammates for putting the pout back on Peyton Manning's face.
And I'm still sick, but not as bad as I felt last Friday. I look like crap, though: good thing my hairdresser talked me out of the jet black hair, because I'm looking corpse-like enough this morning.
Lastly, am I the only person with absolutely no desire to see the new King Kong movie? It looks terrible. Bring on the gay cowboys.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
- At the Friday afternoon happy hour, suggest a friendly game of Asshole. Then become President and make everyone drink like crazy.
- Know of a restaurant that serves tasty food at low prices and can seat a large party without a wait. We went to Pho Pastuer, a Vietnamese restaurant in Chinatown, and it was perfect for a boisterous group of drunk, hungry, and broke scientists. I had a giant bowl of curry chicken noodle soup and a Vietnamese beer for a little over $10.
- Slip and fall down in front of everyone at a T station, because wearing high heels on an icy day and subsequently wiping out is the new black, and you want everyone to know how trendy you are.
- Take everyone to a shady bar that serves scorpion bowls, test tube shots, and meat on a stick. Then buy everyone scorpion bowls and test tube shots.
- Show off your favorite comedy dance move, the one where you unbutton a guy's shirt while you dance with him, on one of your married co-workers.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Just when I thought that the previous entries could not be topped, I came across this fine specimen of the 1980's, via someone who would probably prefer to remain anonymous *cough Pat cough*. I love the socks and especially love how the kid on the left is posing, but the picture is quite mysterious. Why are they standing on top of the picnic table? What kind of contest were they in? I'm not sure, but apparently you had to be wearing a patriotic half-shirt to be declared a "Winner." And Pat's sister? Um....not even going to go there, but it's probably a good thing she's standing behind him. What is the kid on the right doing? Shaking up a mini bottle of champagne with which to douse the Winner?
Thursday, December 15, 2005
- Digital camera (I'm buying this one for myself)
- Warm, stylish gloves
- Curtains for my bedroom (or a gift card to a store where I can pick out my own)
- A broiling pan
- A copy of Cormac McCarthy's newest novel, No Country For Old Men
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
And now for something completely different....
Last night, after a few beers, some friends and I revealed our secret celebrity crushes. One friend really digs 50 Cent and owns all of his albums, and another has a thing for Tony Blair. Me? Jeff Goldblum.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Other person: Why are you so dressed up today?
Me: Umm...I'm going to a wake this afternoon.
Other person (feeling like a dumbass): Er, um, I'm sorry.
Me (smiling, trying to help the other person not feel like an ass) : That's okay, thanks. It's for my Great Aunt.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
The rest of the weekend included soccer playing and holiday shopping. Next year, remind me to get everything online. I've had enough crowds, parking lots, lines, and angry customers for one lifetime. Somehow during my soccer game, I managed to crack my big toenail in half, and it hurts and keeps bleeding all over my sock, so that is adding to my shopping discomfort.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Friday, December 09, 2005
Which family is more awkward? Vote in the comments section. The Fair family features lots of bare white legs, but I think Timm leads them with his salmon colored t-shirt and giant white high tops. They're facing some stiff competition by the Dunnes, with Kerry's high wasted pleated and pegged pants, complete with high school letter jacket. I've got the long mullet, while Eri is sporting the mini mullet and some ridiculous pink pants. The most stylish in the photo are my grandparents, despite the fact that my grandmother is wearing a shawl made of plastic. Oh yeah, and what's that in my hand? A metal detector. Yes, folks, a METAL DETECTOR. My dorkiness knows no bounds.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
- O Holy Night. Every year, my family goes to mass on Christmas Eve and there's a lady who sings a solo of O Holy Night. I always get so nervous for her before the really high part (oh night, di-VINE) and think to myself "oh no, this will be the year that her voice cracks" but she nails it every time. I love that song, and I like to think that for this one lady, it must be her biggest gig of the year, her time to shine. Every other day of the year she's probably a wallflower, stuck at home doing housework or something, and then, for one special night, she's the star. My sisters joke about my obsession with the O Holy Night lady and claim that I send her threatening letters that say things like "Sing O Holy night or die, bitch!" This claim is entirely untrue, the letters actually say "O Holy Night or I will eat your children."
- Adeste Fideles. Old school. Latin.
- Hark the Herald Angels Sing (easy to sing along to)
- Let It Snow
- Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. Rowlf the Muppet dog and John Denver do the best verison of this song EVER.
List #16....Least Favorite Chirtmas Carol
- Carol of the Bells. This song terrifies me. My parents had it on a holiday record and I used to hide under the table every time it came on. The worst part is when it gets really quiet, so you think the song is over and you're safe, then all of the sudden it comes blaring back in full volume. Terrifying, I tell you.
Anyways, here's some stuff I would write more about if I wasn't hungover:
Monday, December 05, 2005
I recently discovered the The Polyphonic Spree, a band that is more like a choir (complete with robes) than anything else. If you like ELO's song Mr. Blue Sky, than The Polyphonic Spree is for you- a few tracks are available for listening on their website.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Anyways, here are a couple of observations I made over the weekend:
1. Okay, this is kind of weird, but sometimes when I'm riding the bus, I survey the other passengers and wonder what would happen if we were all trapped on a desert island together. Who would be the leader? Who would have useful skills? Whom would I have a crush on? Saturday, I left the lab and hopped on the #1, sometimes referred to as the T.B. Express (with good reason: exposure to a phlegmy cough with each paid admission!), and looked around. I saw lots of shady characters, including a drunk bum that kept randomly yelling out things like "I'm gonna kick your ass!" and two drag queens (not that all drag queens are shady, but these two were), and I thought "Man, if I get stuck on a desert island with these people, we're all screwed." But hey, you never know, maybe the drag queens would be skilled fishermen and the drunk bum would figure out how to make liquor out of coconuts, providing diversion for the rest of us.
2. Here's the part of this post where I go on a rant about bridal showers. If you're reading this and I attended or helped throw your bridal shower, I don't mean your bridal shower, which was lovely, just bridal showers in general. All I'm saying is that if I ever get married, there's no way I'm having one. They strike me as too much....soooo many gifts make it seem materialistic instead of the joyful celebration of an upcoming marriage. I don't mean to imply that brides who have showers are greedy, because I think most of them do it because it's expected or their family really wants to throw one, but it just isn't for me. The wedding gifts should be enough- how much crap does one couple need? Ugh, and the whole opening up all the gifts in front of everyone? Painful. And the fact that it's mostly kitchen stuff and housey things has a little bit of a creepy preparing-the-bride-for-wifely-duties vibe, despite the fact that I love cooking and would normally love to get kitchen stuff as presents. And the whole each broken ribbon equals one future child? You know what it really equals? Slow-ass unwrapping. Bridal Bingo? How about Bridal Stab My Eyes Out With That Bun Warmer?
Okay, the tirade ends here, because I went to a bridal shower today, and it was great to see the couple and nice of them to invite me, and the food was tasty, and now I'm starting to feel guilty about making fun of bridal showers.
Friday, December 02, 2005
For another great television dance, check out the horrible boss' dance from The Office (requires Real Player).
Update! I found the perfect hair color, on, believe it or not, Lindsay Lohan!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
The Bruins traded Captain Joey Thornton for three players from the San Jose Sharks. Now that was a dumb idea- the team stinks, they've lost 9 of the past 10 games, and now they're traded away the only player with name recognition and a fan following. Oh, and I think the NHL should eliminate all teams that play in areas devoid of snow and ice in the winter. It just doesn't make sense. No snow, no hockey.
Attention Red Sox fans: if you love Manny and want him to stay, sign this Keep Manny petition.