The Opposite of Me

Every once in a while, I encounter someone who makes me think to myself “Wow, this person just like me, only the exact opposite.” For example, last time I was on a flight, I had the window seat and a couple around my age, maybe a few years older, had the seats next to mine. The girl was relatively pretty, wore designer jeans, and had a giant diamond ring. She was what I would describe as businessy. There are two bus routes I can take to work. The Number 9 goes directly to Copley and is jam packed with businessy types. All of the girls have the same highlighted, straightened hair and nice shoes, and probably are consultants. The men each carry a dark-colored messenger bag. The Number 10 also ends at Copley, via a methadone clinic and Boston Medical Center. The sparse riders mainly consist of nurses, junkies, and bums. I do not look out of place with my jeans, sneakers, or backpack, because Number 10 riders, as a rule, are not buisnessy. Okay, back to Airplane Girl. Her husband is not very good looking and seems like a dork. I immediately decide that she settled. Soon after takeoff, she opens up her laptop and begins drafting emails. I read them. (Oh, come on, like you wouldn’t?) “I’m going to be in Nashville next month and I am just DYING to introduce my husband to some authentic barbeque” she writes. Boom. Right there. Airplane Girl is the Anti-Me. Maybe someday I will own a $200 pair of jeans, maybe some day I will actually get married (although not to some dweeb I settled for, and I won’t have a huge diamond ring) but I would never, never use a sentence like “I am just DYING to introduce my husband to some authentic barbeque.” I bet Airplane Girl buys overpriced home decor at Anthropologie.

Example Number Two: Today, the quarterly issue of Notre Dame Magazine arrived. In the back, there is a little blurb for each graduating class, in which recent accomplishments of alumni are noted. Stuff like Sarah (O’Leary) and James Tuckerman (’98) are proud to announce the birth of their second child, Connor Hampton. Greg Everclear is a litigation lawyer in Omaha and serves on the board of the local alumni club. Although these people attended the same university as I did, even graduating in the same year, our lives have nothing in common. They don’t publish items like Eileen is still in graduate school. Eileen ate nothing but hot dogs for five days because she spent all of her money on a St. Patrick’s Day party. Eileen recently gave herself a black eye when she fell taking off her shoes.