This afternoon, I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror.
"Hey, what's that stuff in my eyebrows? It looks like crumbs. How did I get crumbs in my eyebrows? Oh yeah, it must have been at lunch, when I balanced a potato chip on my nose to see if I could jerk my head, flip it into the air, and then catch it in my mouth. You know, like a dog does when you balance a treat on its snout."
Moments like these make me realize why I don't have a boyfriend.