Thursday, November 17, 2005

Little dental shop of horrors

If hell exists, I will most likely be headed there, due to a long resume of sins and general wickedness, like the fact that I laughed at this cartoon of Howard Stern pranking a mentally disabled guy. This morning, I went to the dentist, and let's just say that it was a most unpleasant experience. I was getting a filling, and the metal clamp they put around my tooth was digging into the roof of my mouth and it hurt like a biatch. After four times of the dentist readjusting it, then asking, "Does it still hurt?" and me saying "aarrhhhlgu," which meant yes, I decided that I was just going to try to suck it up and deal with the pain, because maybe I'd eventually get used to it. I do have a fairly high tolerance for pain, as evidenced by things like my walking around with a broken finger for a few days before I decide it probably shouldn't still be that color and pointing in that direction, then I go to the doctor who tells me that it's broken and I shouldn't have waited so long. Four crooked fingers later, I finally realized that I was too clumsy for basketball. Back to the dentist....so I was doing my best grinning and bearing, but tears started streaming out of the corners of my eyes and running down my face, and the poor dentist was horrified and took off the dreadful apparatus and hit me up with some more novocaine. It helped, but only a little, and I started thinking about my own personal hell, and how it would definitely include dental work. What else would it be like?

  • everyone would be skiing, all of the time
  • there would be no Dunkin Donuts, only Starbucks
  • abundant prolonged awkward silences
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt would be there
  • my pants would always be a tad too short
  • a constant migraine (honestly, I cannot think of anything worse)

If I do end up in hell, I hope that it is of the generic fire and brimstone and demons variety.

8 comments:

mj said...

I think that was your best post yet.

eileen said...

mj, glad you enjoyed it, because you'll probably end up there with me, you heathen :)

oh, and my private hell would have a soundtrack featuring alternating songs by Counting Crows and John Mayer.

Kim said...

Or, your hell soundtrack could be one No Doubt song played for all eternity. Oh wait, no, that was the mussel/waffle house in France.

Your personal hell would at least provide you with ample writing material for when you start blogging in the afterlife.

Sorry the dentist sucked!

RT said...

I always thought that in mine, the only things to sit at would be picnic tables, and all you'd get to eat were stale potato chips and warm water. *shudder*

eileen said...

ew! warm water! I share your hatred. It reminds me of pee.

megr said...

Come join the bus to hell... we are currently taking reservations. I think we can put your name on VIP list and get you right up front. That was the funniest thing I have seen...

Anonymous said...

Shop online today. Forget driving to the mall when you can just click the mouse and order from your favorite store. No traffic to deal with

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